Question: "I understand that I won't always get my friends' business, but when I don't, is it reasonable to expect a courtesy call explaining why they hired someone else?"
It's tough when someone you know entrusts their real estate business to another agent, isn't it? When you're new, the disappointment can take days to get over, but even for Old Fogies like me, it'll still sting for an hour or two.
I believe that it's best to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and assume that she had a perfectly good reason for her decision not to bring you in on her real estate transaction. Trust in that, swallow your hurt and move on. Don't risk the friendship (or future business!) by demanding an explanation, complaining to mutual friends or sulking the next time you see her.
It might help you to behave properly if you look at the situation from a purely mercenary perspective. Your friend might become disillusioned with her chosen real estate agent - either during the transaction or afterwards. If it happens "during" and you've been pleasantly professional (as opposed to accusingly indignant), you might just find your friend back on your doorstep begging for your help. But even if this doesn't happen, the agent she chose might have been a major disappointment and you can actually cement your position as your friend's go-to guy or gal for her future referrals. But I guarantee neither will happen if you pout, whine or fuss about her decision.
I don't think the general public realizes how hurtful it is when our friends hire someone else - I doubt they even give it much thought. In most cases, it's not AT ALL personal, so they don't even think to feel bad about it, or feel they owe you any explanation.
So, does your friend owe you a courtesy call? No. If you get one, dandy (and please don't make her regret her decision to do so). But if you don't, please don't fret. More than an hour, anyway.
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Jennifer,
Don't expect that courtesy call. Many friends and relatives don't want to mix business with a personal relationship. A real estate investment is many times a person's largest asset and the decision to work with the most qualified is often considered. You may not be the right one for the task or they may not want you privy to their financial status. Whatever the case don't take it personally or ruin your relationship..they still love you!
Jennifer - There are two groups of clients I never work with and they are
1. Immediate Family
2. Best Friends and/or Very Close friends
I feel that I may be too close emotionally to represent their best interests ,I would rather refer them to another agent and stay out of the transaction all together.
Extended family and level one of my SOI is as close as I want to get in these categories.
Wish your friend the best of luck and be there to give her advise when she asks
Dorie - Yep - that's my advice, too!
Laura - I probably wouldn't work with family, but I've never had the option as none of them live near me. Close friends? Oh, yeah, all day long. Mainly because I think I'm the best man for the job! But I understand that many people are uncomfortable mixing bizness & friendship.
Honestly if a friend hired some on eelse I would not want to know or hear the explanations. I would be peeved to say the least and would use some time to cool off and reason out why they hired some one else. But I do not need the "feedback" It should either be obvious why I did not get the deal or maybe these folks arent as good a friend as I thought
Spot on. Life's too short. Move on. Look at the opportunity that's ahead of you, not regretting and feeling bad about the actions of others.
I don't think I'd be upset UNLESS they said they would use me and then turned around and hired someone else. I can understand that many people don't want to risk something going wrong and ultimately ruin a friendship. I admit I'm one of those people. I'm so picky I just steer clear of using friends for various services for various reasons.
Chanda panda
Uh, I've worked with family selling my Grandfather's estate and it was the most horrible, demoralizing, contrary deal I've ever done. Awful. Working with family and close friends isn't all it's cracked up to be.
As for the courtesy call, I'd like one - because it would give me the opportunity to be gracious about things, and look good in the process. Otherwise, I just look like a shunned lover :) Do they owe one to me? No - it's their money and their house.
I'm sure some friends don't want to share personal information, and would rather deal with a stranger. Doing business with close friends and family might become a "sticky" situation if the property doesn't sell or doesn't sell at the price the owner was hoping for... suddenly it could be perceived as your fault. Being a relative newcomer and transplant from @ 900 miles away, this is not a problem I have. All of my customers have been strangers. They only became friends after the transaction.
I agree, it can be difficult to accept not being the "Agent of Choice" for those who are family or considered close friends. This is especially true at this time when many Agent's volume is way down and some are struggling to make ends meet.
I also agree that being the Agent for a family member has some potential for some not-so-good things to happen. In my heart, I know that I can do the best job for the family member...really look out for their best interests. Yes, they may use me as a scapegoat if things do not go the way they expected but, just as when a family member did not select me as their Agent, it is almost certainly nothing personal, and they will likely get over it soon.
Great topic!
Denny Bowler CB United Realtors Charlotte, NC
Excellent post...and although if I were the client, yes, I would definitely make a courtesy call, for some people, it is just too uncomfortable. For me, it is just common courtesy and it's what a friend would do.
If they were in my market, I would make an effort to show and sell the home, hopefully getting the opportunity to say something positive, such as "wow, I saw your home on YouTube...cool! Good luck!" Be positive and be supportive, LIKE A FRIEND WOULD BE.
Dealing with friends can be a PIA too. if anything is going to go wrong it will end up being on their deal... or it could go perfectly but maybe not as easy as they thought, or so perfectly that they are jealous of your commission check... it may be a blessing in disguise if they go elsewhere.
I really never had problems dealing with friends, although I've heard rumors of such things happening. Oh, I suppose there were issues, but no different from issues that would arise with "regular" clients. The few that got ugly were with difficult people, both in life & business.
But back to the original question - does a friend owe you a courtesy call? I really don't think they do, and, judging by some of the hostile remarks on similar posts (not this one) about friends who don't use you, I'm not surprised if a friend would hesitate to make the call, even if it occurred to him. Some agents are so self-absorbed that they don't realize the rest of the world doesn't revolve around them and their real estate career - no, not even if they're desperate. I also find that many agents feel their friends (and I use this term loosely here) are obligated to use them, even if the agent probably hasn't done a darn thing for their "friend" in recent memory. I've heard agents scream "But they KNOW how badly I need the money!" as if that's at all inspiring for someone to make a hiring decision for an enormous transaction. Sorry, but I rarely hire someone I feel sorry for...
But that's a soapbox for a different blog... maybe.
Maybe you aren't the right person.
Then what would make your that person?
Experience.
Competence.
Dependability.
Organization.
Affability.
Graciousness.
Loyalty.
Being known for keeping your mouth shut about your friends private details.
The deficiency is often not in the friend or friendship.
Just in you.
I especially like the graphics of this post.
Especially the protruding lower lip.
Wonderful.
Jennifer - My friends/relatives literally kept me afloat my first 18 months in the biz. After that, I just took it for granted that all of my friends/relatives would, of course, use me. The first few times, friends/relatives used someone else, I admit it, I was hurt. Some gave me a courtesy call and even explained why they chose someone else. That was nice of them even if I didn't like the reason.
In retrospect, I am sooooo glad that some of those same friends/relatives didn't choose me. After seeing what kind of client(s) they became during the process, I now consider it a blessing in disguise that they didn't choose me.
One particular friends husband was an absolute @$$#*!!throughout the whole transaction. Another friend who had chosen someone else, proceeded to call me every other day to run her transaction by me to get my opinion on what her LO was doing and complaining about why the LO did this or did that. About halfway through the transaction, I had to politely tell her that I didn't want to hear anymore about her loan transaction. I told her that if she doesn't trust that her LO is doing the right thing or if she doesn't like the way she works, then get another lender. A couple of years later, that same friend asked me to do her refi, I referred her to someone else.
Do I deserve a courtesy call? That would be the friendly and considerate thing to do if we are truly friends and especially if we are relatives. I could even refer you to a trusted colleague.
Life is too short, good friends rarer still. Sometimes business diminishes the friendship so decide which you value more.
I truly believe a true friend owes you one thing, and that is friendship.
I stand with many here, but very much so with Kevin's comment.
Hi JA. Great topic.
Great perspective too. Very hard to smile and go on your way, but it is the best thing to do.
Happened to me recently. (yes, even me:))
Thanks for writing,
Ken
Jennifer, I guess I'm weird but I do NOT want to work for friends and family. I'd much rather just refer them to someone else. Too many things that can go wronmg in a real estate transaction that I can't control. I'd hate to lose a friend over it.
Jennifer- I had a neighbor specifically ask me for a CMA which I prepared and took to them. When it came time to list, they invited three agents to present and listed with one of those agents. I wasn't even contacted. OUCH!!!! What really bothered me was I couldn't just avoid them. I was pregnant and she worked in the nursery at the hospital! I was stuck in a hospital room on bed rest and my husband came in telling me she was on the floor and asking about me. I thought WHY? But in the end when they were packing up their house, I went over and said good bye, their agent sure wasn't there. Don't think it will mean referral business but it made me feel better.
JA - I've had personal experiences with this specific topic. While some people chose not to do business with people for different reasons, I am a sucker for supporting people I know who are in business. Even if they charge a little more (within reason).
To me, there is nothing more important than having a fanclub - cheering you on, not only with your words but with your actions.
I've had recent relationships torn (in my heart) because of this. I do know I am only hurting myself. But how I viewed our friendship would never be the same.
Courtesy call? Of course I expect it. Especially when you know this person is active in the business. I dont expect everyone I know to do business with me. But I do expect courtesy calls from people who have a special place in my heart. Why? Because I honestly do believe I have their best interest at heart and coincidentally, I am also the best agent in the area. I have the strongest desire to see them successful in their real estate transaction. And when things go bad (often times, this is the reason both parties do not want to get into the transaction together), I personally feel that I would do everything in my power to help salvage the bad transaction - far more than what their stranger agent would ever do for them. By then, when your true friend knows what you do or did, I do not believe that relationships will turn sour once your friend know you did your best.
Why? Because I am a friend by every definition.
I do not believe in things hurting friendships with my attitude. But this is just me and of course, not everyone think like me.
With my recent experience, I have built walls in my friendships so that I dont get hurt again. I feel sorry for doing that. But I think in the experience, the fact that they didnt want to hurt the relationship, they did just that.
Again, please dont misunderstand. I am not upset that they used another agent. I was upset because I did not get a courtesy call for a pre-warning in the name of the closeness of our friendship. (I do not expect every friendship to call, but when you pledge to "do life together", I have a minimum expectation of certain friendships.)
This is long enough to turn into a blog. Sorry for the rant. As you can tell, I'm still hurt. So, my walls for friendship is up.
If a do-life-together friend would do this to me (lack of courtesy, not business opportunity), I would not expect anything from anyone else.
I dont think they owe you a call... If we step out of our little bubbles and look back in we can see how uncomfortable that call would be. Your friend may not want you to know their personal info, your motovation for selling etc...
Well said, Jennifer! Realtors have feelings too!
But I think some folks don't like doing business with friends... it's too familiar, and they can't yell at you if they think you messed up! :-)
Patty Keller, AnotherME
It is only personal and offensive if you choose to make it personal. So don't choose to do so and things will work out.
I don't call other insurance agents when I buy a policy from someone else and I don't call and explain why I used a particular lawyer, even though I know many.
I think the Realtors that get offended and show it are displaying a lack of understanding about business, business professionalism and possibly their own self-esteem. But I could be wrong.
We've all lost or nearly lost a friendship over this !