It occurs to me that running an SOI* business is a lot like dating. I'm thankfully no longer in the dating world, but I remember it well. Trying to figure out where Mr. Right might be hanging out that day. Pondering who among my friends would give me that magic referral to the man who was The One. Trying to find the elusive balance between approachable friendliness... and aloof-hard-to-get-ness. The roller coaster ride of euphoric highs followed by crushing lows.
When you're dating, you're bombarded with advice. Such as... it's a good idea for a marriage-minded woman to ask a man on the first date if he's similarly-inclined. If no, NEXT! If you see children in your future, you should make sure every man you have coffee with feels the same way. Before the second cup. How about announcing to all your friends that you are now Single and Available, and demand that they find you a mate?
Of course, there is the other camp which tells women to take the hard-to-get game to the extreme. Never return phone calls, never change your plans to meet a man on short notice, and never discuss the future.
When you begin your SOI business (that is, generating business and referrals from the Very Important People Who Know You), you are also given all sorts of advice, most of which makes no sense if you evaluate it from your gut. You are told to tell everyone you meet that you sell real estate and that you Love Referrals. Over and over again. That you should remind your friends constantly of that fact. That you should push your business card on anyone within shouting distance. That you should categorize your friends in order of importance - that is, how likely they are to refer to you - and socialize with them accordingly.
In short, PUSH your agenda on your SOI instead of allowing things to unfold and develop naturally.
If you interrogate a typical guy about his plans for your future together on your first (or tenth) date, he'll likely run for the hills regardless of his feelings on the matter. The same thing will probably happen if you assault every new acquaintance with your business card and elevator speech.
If you beg your friends to play matchmaker, they may silently wonder why you're so desperate, and be unwilling to subject their USDA Prime Choice male friends to that desperation (after all, matchmaking often backfires on the matchmaker!). Just like when you beg your friends for referrals (er, sorry, frequently remind them), they may question your professionalism and wonder why you don't already have all the business you need. Yeah, people do think this way, don't you?
Of course, there's that fine line between enthusiastically letting your SOI know you're open for business ... and putting your friends on the spot, both in your professional and your personal life. Finding that balance may be an ongoing struggle, but here are some tips:
- Don't attend a party or function with the sole intent of handing out your business cards. Attend with the idea that you will meet lots of nice people, and may have enough rapport with a few to pursue a relationship. Leave your business cards in the car and just relax.
- If a friend hasn't referred you, after your repeated requests that she do so, there may be a reason. Drop it - if you want to keep the friendship alive.
- Wait for people to ask you what you do for a living. Answer enthusiastically and see if there's any interest. If not, talk about the weather or the yummy shrimp kabobs.
- Don't send a letter to your SOI simply asking for referrals. In fact, don't ask for referrals at all. There are much better ways to get that point across than flat-out asking.
- Your friends will be happy to refer you (or hire you) if you seem to be a Reasonably Competent Human Being who enjoys selling real estate. You can't tell people this, you have to show them. Show up on time (with a smile on your face!), return phone calls promptly and do what you say you're going to do.
- Don't ever whine about the real estate market. To anyone. Ever.
Being a positive, upbeat, confident person who believes in her heart that She's All That will attract plenty of business from both friends and strangers.
Oh, and this strategy works well with men, too.
Stay tuned for Part Two of SOI and the Single Gal...
*SOI = Sphere of Influence = People Who Know You
The Savvy Prospector: Eight Weeks to a Full Pipeline for Life
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Tips & Inspirations to Generate Business from the Very Important People Who Know You!
copyright Jennifer Allan 2007
JA,
I love your analogy on dating.
Great points and advice.
Thank You.
Jennifer - its like you read my mind. I often find people who push their careers on me to be a bit annoying so I have always shyed away from doing the same. I advertise a lot and I've found that my TV commercials generate more comments from my SOI than anything else. I love it when people pop up and say "Hey - we saw your commercial last night".
Jennifer,
Many years ago, those folks listening to country music enjoyed Crystal Gayle. One of her songs came to mind as I read your post - "You've been talking in your sleep". Now, I am not saying that the entire song came to mind, just the title stanza there.
You are so on target with this post it should be bookmarked and printed and handed to any new agent entering real estate.
I have been a proponent of be yourself, do your job, be available and they will come since my very first days in real estate. I do agree with the genesis of creating a list of your SOI. The relationship of how likely they are to refer and rating them as such is pure poppycock. Any one of them may or may not refer someone to you.
If you create the list and make a point of calling everyone on the list in a systematic fashion that will have you speak with them once every 42 days, you have accomplished the easy part of "touching base". It is much harder to actually develop knowledge about others and contact them when it is relevant to something in their life and not yours. You actually have to shut up and listen and care.
I have no problem using a reminder system to stay in touch with my SOI. I can promise you that when I do talk with them..........real estate does not come up from my side of the conversation. I am calling to keep in touch, find out what's new in their life, mention something of common interest and reinforce that I am in their life. I do keep track of birthdays, anniversaries and other special dates. I do know the religion of many in my SOI and acknowledge special days. I keep notes. I don't trust my memory.
I can only share that if you begin or end every or any phone call with "oh, by the way if you know anyone that is looking to buy or sell ...blah blah blah"....caller i.d. will cut down on your number of completed calls in short order. Instead of "it's Jennifer on the phone" it soon becomes "oh for christ sake, it's jennifer bugging you again about real estate. let it go to the answering machine."
Great post....look forward to your follow up and more information on the female perspective on dating.
jmac
"Oh, and this strategy works well with men, too." Thanks for the morning chuckle...perfect analogy and as usual, excellent advice. Just as desperation repels, success attracts! My experience has been that if I don't bring up my avocation, inevitably someone else will and that is ever so much more effective. ;-)
There is nothing sweeter than hearing those little words, "would you take me on as a client?"
Excellent post! It really is a lot like dating isn't it? I always wondered why it was when I would break up with a woman that it only took like a day and a half before her friends had her going out with 12 different guys, but the best I could hope for from my friends was an invite to watch Monday Night Football at the corner bar. ;-)
Maybe they were just playing the referral game better than I was????
Bob Mitchell
ValueList Real Estate Services, Inc.
I totally agree.... from two angles...
when I trained women in sales, I told them they had a different set of rules with some people and they needed to respect and work those rules to their benefit.
SOI can be dangerous at times.... and can be very discouraging.
My philosophy has been that you need to ANNOUNCE..and reinforce you are who you are and what you are so people don't REALLY forget... but there will always be someone that conveniently forgets and you can't get MAD at that person... and you can't let that cut you off completely to that person... but it will be hard to look that person in the eyes again in the future without feeling betrayed.
Sometimes women have it easier because men - especially the ones who grew up with their SOI expecting a lot from them - are approached with a sink or swim mentality and they're known for who/what they are but SOI ignores them until they make it. Women often get a softer side of the SOI because the people that knew them growing up treated them that way all their lives.
Sure - attitudes like this can certainly be divisive and I'm not adding this in to be controversial - I don't strive for controversy; I just don't cut corners.
You can burn bridges faster with SOI though... so you have to be careful.
John - you should take YOUR comment and it make it a blog. So much good stuff in there. Buffini fans, close your eyes, but I SO hate that "Oh by the way" stuff. It's just too phony.
Susan H - Oh, I know what you mean!! Or, almost as sweet: "Can I have one of your business cards?"
Susan R - I never thought about advertising for the SAKE of your SOI! What a concept! But you're right - even if your advertising never attracts one stranger to you, it WILL impress your SOI. Hmmmm... gonna stew on that one.
Oh, I'm SO glad I'm not in the dating pool anymore....
Jen, Jen, Jen....
You are the wordsmith. I have humbly attempted to share. http://activerain.com/blogsview/180523/Dear-Jennifer-for-you
again
you are swell and thanks for pushing the tip of this iceberg above surface.
jmac
My advice would be to purchase the book, Lies at the Alter, by Dr. Robin Smith.
Good analogy -- or you could say dating is like the market and we need help from the FED(matchmaker).
Jennifer,
Very well said, very well done. I'm in complete agreement with you. My SOI has been the life-blood of my business for year and I am 100% referral/repeat based, period. That is where all of my efforts maximized.
One thing I've learned, is to always offer something vs. ask for something. I've always offered to answer a question for any of them, their friends or familiy. It amazing when you offer something (no strings attached) how that will come back you will be repaid.
Hi Jennifer,
Sorry my message just ahead was completed and couldn't edit it. Guess I've said enough. Well done!
Great, now I'm hungry for shrimp kabobs and all I have in the fridge is a frozen pizza! Very well-written post that tells me that if we just act professionally and focus on the friendship, the business will come. Looking forward to Part Two.
Hey, thanks for the Gold Star whoever started that!
Everyone - read John MacArthur's complementary blog - it's way better than mine on the topic! http://activerain.com/blogsview/180523/Dear-Jennifer-for-you
Hello Jennifer,
Long time since our days at RE/MAX City Horizons. Julie Cooper and I have done some business here together. I heard you were in Alabama. Hope you are doing well.
Hey Michael!
Nice to hear from you - yeah, it does seem like a whole world away, doesn't it? Actually, I'm in Denver right now getting ready to sell my Highlands house AND I talked to Julie today for the first time in months... is that twilight zone music I hear???
It's funny, but my manager told me TODAY (nicely of course), that I shouldn't go home till I called 5 people from my SOI and remind them I'm in real estate and ask for referals. I called my Dad (wanted to talk to him anyway) and said "Hi Dad! I just wanted to say hi, and to "remind you that I'm in real estate and please refer me to anyone you know who might want to buy or sell a house!" He laughed...and we went about talking about other stuff. I said it "tongue in cheek", and he knew it. That's just NOT my way. I'll knock on FSBO doors...but I can't 'bug' my friends and family.
And I know you know, but I LOVE your new picture!!!
Sue - that's hilarious! And yeah, it was time to update the photo - would hate to be one of the real estate types who uses old photos forever and ever... so the new one is about 5 hours old!
John - Darnit, now you've got ME thinking shrimp kabobs...
Okay, Jennifer, I understand changing the photo, but how is it you look YOUNGER??? :-)
Well, shucks, thanks Susan!
I'm so impressed with all the responses - usually blogs about SOI or referrals will result in a smattering of applause but mostly sob stories about how "that doesn't work for me." It's refreshing to see so many agents who GET IT - that our friends have lives OUTSIDE of OUR real estate careers!
Erica - I love the way you said that - that should be a tagline somewhere.
Jennifer - your line, "Your friends will be happy to refer you (or hire you) if you seem to be a Reasonably Competent Human Being who enjoys selling....", made me laugh out loud!
Keep writting and I'll keep reading, thanks.
Hi Jennifer,
Great post! Excellent ideas and what a creative way to expain SOI. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Robin,
I don't call everyone I know, either. I call people I want to talk to/people I feel comfortable talking to. There are maybe 40 people in my SOI that I"d feel okay picking up the phone and asking out for coffee. The rest (maybe 150 or so) get a monthly mass-email (that I personally write) and two or three postal mailings from me a year. I get tons of business from these efforts!
I only call someone if I have something to say and sometimes, that's just "wanna go have a drink?" I'm not a big phone-chatter, even with my girlfriends. I wear out after 15 minutes or so!