Quoted with permission from Go-Givers Sell More
"You may have been taught that to be successful in sales, you need to "step outside of your comfort zone." Let's reexamine that idea. If you push yourself to a place that makes you uncomfortable, chances are pretty good you'll end up making the other person uncomfortable, too. Consciously or not, they'll sense your discomfort - and attitudes are contageous.
We human beings tend to resist discomfort; in fact, we'll typically do anything to avoid putting outselves in uncomfortable situations. Why base your entire career on something your strongest instincts tell you to avoid?"
One fine day last spring, I got a phone call from a real estate agent whose name didn't ring a bell.
This agent whose name didn't ring a bell small-talked with me for a few minutes, while I racked my brain to figure out if he was someone I should remember.
Well, when the small-talking was done, he asked me if I knew anyone moving to his town that I could refer to him. Ahhhhhh, sez Jennifer, Now I get it. He's prospecting. Well, I know it's hard to believe, but I didn't happen to know anyone moving to his area, so I told him he could send me an email with his contact information and I'd be glad to let him know if that situation changes. He bade me farewell and hung up. And I never heard from him.
I thought it was pretty funny, not to mention an abysmal waste of his time - cold-calling someone and asking for referrals - and then not even following up?? Interesting strategy.
But over the next month, I got more such calls from agents around the country. Agents whose names I DID recognize; agents who were followers of my philosophy which specifically advises against any form of referral-begging. All asking me if I knew anyone moving to their area.
Now I was confused. What was inspiring this flurry of referral-begging activity?
I gently tried to dissuade the callers from making more such calls to their spheres of influence, but they all seemed determined and even enthusiastic about it.
Well, okay. To each his or her own. Far be it from me to talk someone out of a prospecting technique they're excited about.
It finally dawned on me that these calls must be part of a corporate training program. My assumption was correct - there was a program making the rounds where participants were instructed to call 100 people per day (or maybe it was per week) and ask for referrals.
Whatever. I think it's a ridiculous strategy to abuse friendships with any sort of referral-begging, but apparently I'm in the minority there, at least in the world of real estate training. I'll just say that I don't like it when it's done to me, so it's a given that I will never do it to anyone else.
But the epilogue to this story is that I heard from one of the agents again the other day. Was she calling to hit me up again for referrals to her area? Nope. She was calling to apologize for doing it the first time. That she'd felt sick to her stomach doing it, not only to me, but to the other dozens of friends and acquaintances she subjected her pitch to. She is concerned that she'd actually damaged her friendships and was asking for advice on how to repair that damage.
My friends, if it feels wrong DON'T DO IT. IGNORE the well-intentioned (?) coaches and trainers and brokers who say you have to venture out of your comfort zone in order to succeed. Because there's a difference between overcoming a fear of something new, and doing something you feel is wrong. A BIG difference.
And you know what? You can tell the difference if you'll only pay attention to that little voice inside of you. It knows what it's talking about!
RELATED BLOGS
Stay IN Your Comfort Zone!
Work with What You Have - You're Wonderful Just the Way You Are!
Be Yourself, Have More Fun, Sell More Real Estate
Ha ha, very good! I'd venture to say that you earn referrals with hard work and good service:))
Jennifer- Been there, done that and my gut ached the whole time. It was so not me. Thanks for the reminder. Now I need to click on your book to order one. :0)
I agree with you. It is one thing to let people know what you are doing, it is another thing to turn your friends into nothing but clients. I prefer to turn my clients into friends.
I so agree with you. I don't mind calling to stay in touch but cashin in on their friendship to solicit business doesn't sit well with me. I've no problem using some other methods that feel "right" to me that are not quite so intrusive.
Any trainer that is asking you to cold call people for referrals is crazy. . .I wouldn't do it
Indeed...if it feels wrong or VERY UNCOMFORTABLE why go there!
I wish these training programs would get OFF this craziness that calling 100 people a week is going to help. (I hope it was 100 a week and not a DAY.) that's 5200 calls a year. Does this even make sense? Does anyone know enough people for that not be conidered harassment of the poor souls who were unlucky enough to be on the receiving end? For arugument sake let's say you know 500 people....That means you call them each 10 times a year soliciting business? They are going to dread hearing from you.
Ruthmarie - OMG - you are so right! Hey, I'm all about getting your wonderfulness out in the world as often as you can, but referral-begging doesn't do that - it just says "I'm desperate for business and I don't care who knows it!"
Chris & Maria - My thoughts exactly. I don't know who dreamed up the idea that if it isn't painful, it isn't effective.
Fernando - Yeah, but.... almost EVERY trainer gives that advice!
Lora-Leah - frankly, I have no problem generating business as a result of my relationships, but I do it by earning it, not by begging for it ;-}
Gene - VERY well said. VERY.
Martha - An aching gut is definitely something to avoid at all costs. And if something makes your gut ache? Ummmmm..... DON'T DO IT?
Krista - WHAT A CONCEPT!
Jennifer,
Once again you have written a post that sings to me. I have been made to feel like I am failing to do my job because I am not constantly calling my sphere of influence. I honestly find it offensive and know I'd be royally pissed off at a friend of mine who called me up to try to get me to help find business for him.
I can see sending out a letter or a card or even stay in touch with holiday and birthday cards, but honestly, your friends know you are in the business and if they trust you, they will refer their friends to you. You don't need to keep beating them over the head with it.
Jason
Rats. And I was going to call you and ask you if I know anyone who is moving to your area. This phone harassment stuff is so confusing.... LOL
WHY IS THIS POST NOT ALREADY FEATURED?
Preach it. I can't imagine calling someone up and asking them for business. It's just not in my nature. And so I won't do it.
Julia - You and me, both. Ain't gonna happen.
Amen Jennifer--I have a friend from church who joined one of those MLM companies. Apparently the business plan is to call folks in your sphere 3-4 times a week and tell them how rich you are getting.
Such tactics have cost him several friendships. And to my knowledge not a single person has signed up!
So you are basically saying: "If it feels good, Do it." ? :)
There is not one "right" way to do this business, thats for sure!
Doug - OMGoodness. How AWFUL! What a depressing business plan!
Rob - Well.... how about this: "The more fun you have selling real estate, the more real estate you will sell!"
Hi Jennifer~ I am not making cold calls for business. I don't know about you, but I do not buy from anyone that calls or knocks on my door.
I agree that using people just doesn,t feel right. I don't do boiler room calls either!
Jennifer,
So true, your gut will keep you in check if you will listen to it. In this market, you can look desperate asking for referrals. It makes more sense to take care of who you have and market to the rest via social media and keeping up with your sphere of influence.
It's not going to get any prettier anytime soon with this economy.
All the best, Michelle
Whenever I see a post here on active rain that deals with business building or lead generation, there are lots of comments from agents making the point that the best source of leads is working your "Sphere of Influence"....ie calling them and asking for referrals. Ive never been convinced it woorks and it makes me unconfortable just thinking about it; so I dont do it
You are exactly right, whatever you do to build your business you have to be comfortable with it, or it wont work.
Hi Jennifer ~ Like you I am shaking my head at the idea of calling someone and asking for a referral. I guess it is probably working for someone though. It won't feel wrong to some agents and they should continue to do it. Whatever works for them.
Don't get me wrong. I'm totally not on board with it. That goes for cold calls to consumers too. But real estate is a funny business. Different things work for different people. The premise of your post remains the same though. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Don't let anyone tell you there's a right or wrong way. There isn't. It's entirely up to you.
Jennifer, I"m with you on this one. Why in the world would someone call another person that the don't even know for a referral? Better yet, never contact them again or form a relationship. ROTFL...that's a good one.
I do think at times we must step out of our comfort zones, but cold calling isn't one of them.
Jennifer, To me, that feels wrong. I won't do it. I promise.
Jennifer- I agree. I so believe that humans will procrastinate that which is out of their comfort zone. There are things we should do one step at a time out of our comfort zone but if you don't like to do something, it is highly unlikely you will be successful at doing it. Katerina
I believe in the Golden Rule -- the old "do unto others" thing ... and since I HATE receiving telephone sales calls, I don't want to inflict them on anyone else....
However, I do recognize that there seems to groundswell of interest in old school sales techniques .... and given the difficult market we've all been through the last few years, it is not hard to understand why ...
It's up to folks like you :-) to figure out the balance between these two different directions..
Cold calls are painful to make. I don't like receiving them either, especially when the caller is trying to convince me that I should know who they are and why they are calling. No thank you.
Just the thought of cold calling makes me break out in a sweat! I'm procrastinating FOREVER on that one!
Thank you for your post - it is a reminder that when we try to be what we are not, we exude such an uncomfortable energy that we are transparently foolish!
Hi Jennifer,
Been on the receiving end of those calls also. I could never figure out the logic to call out of area Realtors asking for a referral. What could possibly be the odds of you actually having one to their area at that time? One in a million or billion?
I think the coach needs to give them a more productive calling list :-)
I agree there should be a better use of their time. Just not interested in this type of prospecting.
One of my colleagues that was trained in this technique says she is comfortable and making lots of money doing these types of cold calls.. It doesn't fit my personality, but I am glad it is working for her.
Cold calling / warm calling... I'm not comfortable with either. But I know it works because I've seen it work for some people.
I love this post! As someone mentioned in the comments, I want to turn my clients into friends -- not my friends into clients.
Hi Jennifer -- I can't do something that I myself wouldn't want to receive and I tend to use my intuition.
The Golden Rule supercedes forced prospecting.
Jennifer,
People pay money for these courses and at the end of the day the trainers have THEIR money.
Many times we don't have because we don't ask. Sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zone because it is that little nudge that can make the difference between success or failure. There is a fine line between staying in touch and becoming a nuisance though and we all need to know how to draw that line.
Bernadine - I think there are times where "asking" makes sense (asking for a discount, asking for a date, asking for help unloading your car), but when it comes to asking for business, it's just too risky. There are ways to let people know you would take great care of their business without implying that you need it, KWIM?
Terry - They do indeed. And if people are happy to pay it, more power to all of them. Obviously I have no problem offering training and charging for it, but I'd never ask someone to do something they feel is wrong, invasive or annoying.
Fred - I love it!!! YES!
Chris - That just seems so obvious to me - where is the disconnect in sales training world that thinks its a good idea to do unto others what would annoy you if done unto you? I don't get it!
Kerry - I love that line, too! Thanks Gene!
Margaret - I guess... but only if the person is truly comfortable with their actions and even then... I dunno.
Joan - A few people ARE good at dialing for dollars; I've been cold-called by good cold-callers and have even considered their product. Without exception, these people honestly seem to care about ME, not just about selling me something. But it's rare!
Debra - Very well said.
Nona - Yeah, I thought that was so odd. I'm just sitting here on a whole bunch of potential buyers moving around the country waiting for someone to call me and ask me for them.
Peggy - WOW - I love how you put those words together! Beautiful and oh, so right.
Valerie - You are procrastinating because you know it's wrong (for you.) Keep it up!
Judy - Life's too short to base a business on doing things that are painful, doncha' think?!
Cheryl - Great point. But I believe there are ways to prospect more aggressively (and by that, I mean more effectively) without selling your soul in the process.
Katerina - I agree!!! If you are putting something off... and putting it off... and putting it off... maybe that's your gut trying to tell you something!
Eric - Thank you.
Elizabeth - Pushing a comfort zone to do something you haven't done before is dandy... but doing something you feel is wrong... not dandy!
Denise - it's very true - there are many paths to success, and frankly, if cold-calling or referral-begging is working for someone, that's great. But so many in our industry have been brainwashed into thinking it's mandatory... and it just ISN'T!
Ron - I've often said that "working your sphere" is not the same thing as "prospecting to your sphere." You can work your sphere very effectively and never take the chance of annoying anyone. Seems like a worthy goal!
Michelle - what a good point! If an agent suddenly starts begging for business, it's going to be perceived by the audience as desperation. And desperation is never attractive.
Rob - Boiler-room prospecting - BLECH! Not for me!
Vickie - Very rarely. VERY rarely.
There's definitely a script for everything. Perhaps you just don't have the script that makes you feel comfortable calling your past clients. It's definitely ok to call them to ask if they're still getting the Market Snapshot report that keeps them informed on the sales in their neighborhood. It's ok to tell them that FHA is increasing their premiums which means that it will cost first time buyers more after a certain date. It's ok to tell them that some of the loan programs that were no longer available are slowly coming back. It's ok to ask if they know of anyone who may need your help.
If you're not comfortable calling your past clients to ask for business, maybe you just don't know what to say. Again, there's a script for everything, you just have to find one that you're comfortable with and make it personal to you.
It will suck when you look in the MLS to see that they've listed with someone else in the future. Then you'll probably say, "Why didn't I call them and keep in touch?"
Just saying.
I love this post, Jennifer! And if my friend's husband (who is a CPA) called to tell me about the tax law changes, I wouldn't be more apt to have him do my taxes. No matter what "script" he used on me. But if my friend called to ask me to lunch, and in the course of our enjoyable afternoon she mentioned how proud she is of him for working so hard, THAT might do it. Don't call me to "sell" me anything. It's a sure fire way of getting me to NOT buy from you. Just my opinion.
Hi Tamara - thanks for your comments! I must respectfully disagree that a script solves the problem of being uncomfortable in this situation; and I agree with Sue that most of our SOI probably doesn't want to hear about industry-specific issues and will interpret these calls as sales calls which can erode the warm-fuzzies that person has for us.
However, I appreciate the comment about seeing a friend or acquaintance's house in the MLS with someone else - in fact, part of my business model is to go through my database every six months and look up everyone's address on the MLS to see if I "lost" anyone. It always inspires me keep up my SOI efforts - if someone DID hire another real estate agent, I kick myself; if they didn't, I can say "Whew!" Where we differ is that when I say I'm inspired to "keep up my SOI efforts" it doesn't mean that I call through my list and ask for business. I have other ways... ;-]
When people get to know you and what you can do, you will get referrals. I would not be comfortable at all calling AR members and asking for referrals.
Jennifer - I wasn't part of that group but that's how I feel about going to friends and family for referrals. I do let them know that I am in the business with several other gestures, latest cards, chachkas, etc., but, I do not call and specifically ask.
Very strong post with some good points! I think you utlimately made the post when you mentioned that the agent didn't follow back up with you. First, I make every effort to make it about the other person rather than about me on the first conversation. Helping others succeed and developing relationships is the right way in my opinion. Talk gets cheaper by the day! Actions state more truly the intention of those call. Good thought provoker!
You hit this one out of the park - again! I totally agree with the idea to trust your gut. ;-)
p.s. Hola from Speedy Cyber Cafe in Panama City, Panama...and yes, my husband thinks I am nuts I have to log in here even on vacation. But, but, but....JA may have posted some pearls of wisdom and I must read them! Signed, one of your biggest fans
I am looking forward to the Go-giver series you are going to do. Too cool how it all goes hand in hand
Great post and good advice - If it doesn't feel right don't do it - which is something to always consider in other areas of our lives - not just real estate.
That was awesome! I'm pretty sick of these expensive marketing strategies that make people feel like taking people out of their element is the way to be a millionaire in two months! GREAT POST!
:)
I was just thinking....yes I can do that sometimes :-) The thought was that it might be a good thing to go back to the good old days when there was no such thing as unlimited calls. At $0.25 a phone call - this...ahem....method would cost $1300 a year. That might slow some people down....hopefully....
As long as your friends know you are a real estate professional, there is no need for asking for referrals. And cold calling? I hate it and I don't do it and furthermore, don't call me!
Jennifer,
I wish I was able to join your class coming up. I love your post and your styel. I get told to "cold call" for referrals all the time, and I've never been able to do it. Its not my style. Thank you always for the advice and your knowledge
Hmm, I recognize this training program and it's not for me. Ick!